I had the pleasure of doing my friend Alex's senior portraits this past saturday, I'm going to post a couple right below this, and then get onto the rest of my blog. {I hate posting without pictures.} We went to the salt river, I had a place picked out, but I had never searched around. And I was shocked and amazed when we found this area with grasses that went up past my knees. It seriously was SO magical. I love it there so much.
As far as photography goes, I have a couple shoots coming up, one with Valerie, again at the river, but actually in the water. Not going to give away the full thing now. She's so awesome to willingly go into that freezing water this time of year, so I can take pictures :3 I'm going to do one with the lovely Becca.
Un photography related, I have decided a key element I need in my life is Bravery. Think about it, bravery fits in with everything you need to do in your life. Weather it be in your walk with God, you need trust, and in hard circumstances you need to be brave enough to keep your head up, knowing that you'll be ok in the end. You have to not only have faith and trust, you have to be brave. When it comes to things with your friends and family, you have to be brave. Every day you have to be brave enough to go out into the world, and face whatever comes your way with bravery. Bravery that you will be able to shine higher glory, bravery that you are going to make it out alive, bravery to keep on a smile, even when inside you may be a little dead. Recently, I've needed a whole lot of bravery. And I mean it when I say a whole lot.
I've found that over the past year, I have changed so much. The year before this past one, my 16th year, is when I believe I changed the most for the better. This past year though, I have let myself be destroyed. By what? Other people. Other people doing stupid stuff and hurting me. Through it all I have had to be brave and keep my head up. But I let that get to me. I let them leaving my life effect the way I viewed myself. Not my whole views on the world, or my outlook on life in general, that's all stuff that changed when I was 16. All of this actually started happening right after I turned 17 oddly enough. Anyways, everything that has happened has left me with a low self esteem, and a lot of insecurities which end up only wrecking everything more. I don't tell people anything. I don't open up very often, and if I do, it takes a lot out of me. Why? Because every time I think I have this really awesome best friend, they always end up falling away, without a way for me to get them back. But I've recently discovered that with a little confidence in myself, trust in others, faith that God will get me through, and bravery in all things, I can get through this.
I am sharing this because I am trying to learn how to open up to people more again. And let them get to know me more. I used to be an open book, and now I am a half closed one. It is not where I want to be, so I am working at prying it back open. Please don't just comment on that paragraph above. It is getting better, and recently someone who stepped out of my life not only stepped back in, but they stepped back in in the biggest way I needed it right now. I am utterly and truely happy with that. I am going to write a LITTLE of how I changed when I was 16, just because I feel like it now.
When I was 16, I was pretty naive honestly. I had this mindset of anybody who was not like me was wrong. I was pretty arrogant too I think. All my thoughts in general were extremely hard headed, naive, and on a single minded track. Then I met some people. People I ended up seeing almost every single day. There was one person who actually cracked me open the most, and made me see the world through different eyes and in a different light. We have different views on things, but we always listen to what the other has to say, and only instead of telling saying how wrong their views are, we proceed to tell our own, and then from there we have an extremely laid back discussion as to why we felt the way we did. I realized that going to people, and telling them how wrong they are because they don't believe what I do only makes them hate the things I believe. It turns them away from it. And thinking that you can only be friends with someone who shares the same beliefs is really stupid, because the best way to see things in a different light is to listen to what others have to say. And as far as ministering goes, just accepting them for who they are works better then telling them they're going to die if they don't conform. It's not even all about that though. That's not the only views that have changed. I learned that everybody is equal, nobody is higher then the others. Who cares what everyone thinks and believes, a belief is a belief, and just because you feel your beliefs are better then someone elses does not make you better then they are. My whole outlook on life changed from being naive and closed minded to seeing the world as it really is, but still loving despite how messed up it is, and not trying to force myself or my beliefs on people. I used to hate it when people didn't accept me, but now I know that the people who don't, you don't even need and shouldn't bother with. I also learned that the most accepting, nonjudgmental people I have ever met, have different views then I do. I escaped the mindset of legalism.
My 16th year as a whole was absolutely amazing. I met really amazing people when I needed them the most, after I had lost a lot of people I thought cared about me. I got my first job, and learned so much about everything. I think out of my entire life it was my favorite year.
In other news, my sister hacked all her hair off, and it is completely adorable.
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